The Fitness Diaries

It was roughly a year ago when I took up running. I had no expensive trainers, no fancy gear; I just decided to run, so I ran. Before that day I did the odd home workout here and there, following youtube videos in my living room like a crazy woman, and I also dabbled with pilates and yoga, but I had no regular routine. That meant I really struggled to keep up with workouts, and ultimately hated exercise and hated myself for being so bad at exercise. Add to the mix a mild chocolate addiction, plus my pre- vegetarian self’s love of burgers, and I was pretty unfit. Now I’m not saying my life was all doom and gloom, but looking back I definitely wasn’t happy or confident in my body and I saw no end in sight.

Fast forward to a year later, when I run 4 times a week and work out on top of that, I truly care about myself and what I put into my body, because I have seen the effect it has. But even more importantly, I’m steadily learning how to love myself.

There have been many hurdles (pun intended) along the way; like the time I was bed bound by illness for 3 months and couldn’t exercise, or the time I decided to extend Christmas to February and had a very lazy few weeks, but on the whole, I’m really proud of myself for keeping up the running habit, and even more proud for bouncing back when it would have been easier to give up. And I’ve never felt better.

I think the body confidence we get from exercise comes from the challenges you overcome when you start and carry on running. There are no two ways about it, the first week of running- or any fitness journey-is going to be really hard (hellish, actually), and that 1 mile you can barely reach the end of is a real killer. But the fact that you reach the end of the killer mile, and keep coming back to go through it again every day, until eventually the mile doesn’t feel so hellish; then you can even run a little further so that before you know it you’re running 2 miles and beyond, is a huge achievement. You didn’t give up and that’s something to be proud of. It teaches you how good it feels to challenge yourself.

When I used to hear people saying how good exercise was for your mental health I genuinely thought they were lying; like a trick health freaks play on the rest of us so they can watch us suffer as we sweat, and they sit feeling very smug about themselves. I definitely didn’t think it would be something I preached myself, but here goes: running is amazing for your mental health. When I get to the top of a hill I feel amazing about myself, especially if I’ve sprinted past people in their houses eating takeaways on the sofa. No matter how slow I am, I’m faster than everybody sat on their bums.

Along the way I’ve gradually noticed that I actually want to take care of my body, now I have more to lose. Isn’t it funny how being healthy in one area of your life seems to act like a domino effect? I really want to be kind to myself by feeding my body the right balance of fuel and treats, a balance which has definitely been a bit ‘scew whiff’ in the past, as my Grandad used to say. These days, no amount of pizza of brownies comes remotely close to the feelings of pride when I think about how far I’ve come. It’s this pride which drives me to keep on going, because boy do I have a long way to go.

I am no Karlie Kloss, but I not even lying when I say that it’s knowing I’m doing my very best to be healthy that makes me feel most confident. And it’s really important to bear in mind that there is almost no correlation between health and size. Obviously, there are some exceptions, as I’m pretty sure a morbidly obese person can’t be healthy as long as they’re that big. But in general, women of all shapes and sizes exercise regularly and that’s the important thing; not whether or not you can fit into size 6 jeans. Running makes me feel good, and the icing on top of the delicious cake is it makes me look good too.

Of all the lessons I’ve learnt on this journey so far, the most important is that most things in life are mind over matter. If you can motivate yourself to work through the pain to reach the top of that hill, you can achieve anything as long as you believe you can. 

Bodies

I tweeted a few days ago and it got a bit of love. The said tweet went as follows, “How about we don’t comment on each other’s bodies and/or what other people eat?” Please excuse the cocky tone but I was angry, okay? It came from being completely baffled as to why people- including close family members- feel the need to provide a running commentary on my diet and presumably the effect it is having on my body.

In this day and age, when we are all aware how dramatically a single comment can have on a person’s view of themselves, it makes me furious when people still make judgemental assumptions about each other’s diet and lifestyle. I recently read British Bake Off finalist Ruby Tandoh’s article in vice, entitles, "The unhealthy truth behind wellness and clean eating" which for me, hit the nail on the head. In the article she condemned the ‘wellness’ industry for essentially being an elitist industry which perpetuated fears of fat, and called for an end to value judgements in food. 

Any discussion in which one food or food group is worshipped and labelled ‘good’ while another is demonised and labelled ‘bad’ is inherently problematic and simply unhealthy. As a young woman I’ve grown up with these unhealthy messages, which encourage feelings of guilt, self-hatred and punishment. 

When I was 13 years old one of my music teachers literally called me ‘fat’. So when you ask me, “should you really be eating that?” as I tuck into a bar of dark chocolate, congratulations- I’ve limited my diet for days in order to convince myself I ‘deserve’ this treat. Or when you observe, “there are loads of carbs in there Annabelle” as I cook a vegetarian chilli with rice, think about how carbohydrates are an important food group in a balanced diet, and how miserable I have sometimes made myself by cutting them out completely due to feeling ashamed at my body’s need for them.

I would never dream of passing such judgement about another person’s diet, partly because I literally don’t know a single young woman who hasn’t struggled with body image and food. Also because food is fuel, I grant you. But it is also a source of so much pleasure, and when we place value judgements on it that pleasure turns into misery and shame at every single meal. That means every birthday meal, Sunday lunch, Christmas day, snack at work, every brunch with friends can induce dread. 

So next time you are about to comment on someone else’s meal, remember that you have no idea what kind of struggles are going on inside their head at that moment, but that I can almost guarantee they will be about food.

The Graduates guide to surviving final year

1.    Whatever you do, don’t leave all your work to the last minute…learn from my mistakes, folks. Your final semester is stressful/emotional enough without having to pull all-nighters to finish your dissertation or important essays. Be organised and it will pay off. INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE ALERT “Fail to prepare, prepare to fail”

2.    Be in touch with your advisors and tutors…it’s literally their job to help you. They get paid to be available to you during this stressful time. Pick their brain, ask their advice, and send them drafts. They are such an important resource. (Your friends will thank you for not badgering them about obscure literature they literally have no clue about.)

3.    Take regular dance breaks…frequently dance around your kitchen pretending you’re Stevie Nicks (this one is secretly the most important)

4.   Organise your time…make a realistic schedule that includes all aspects of your life…classes, library time, research, writing up, reading, social time, relax time.

5.    Stick to it…this is a biggy. There’s literally no point in making a schedule you can’t live up to. You know yourself and your weaknesses, when you work best and how much you can fit into a week, so work your schedule around you and you’ll be way more likely to stick to it.

6.    Go outside…or you will go insane. Before my dissertation I didn’t know cabin fever was a real thing other than a creepy movie. It’s so easy to go from your house to the bus to class to the library every day. Try getting off the bus a stop early, or taking a 10 minute study break to walk around the block. You will feel like a human again.

7.    Exercise…not only does this keep you healthy, it reduces stress and is gives you some thinking time. TRIPLE THREAT.

8.    Ignore everyone else…not literally. But don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing a shitty job or you’re doing it wrong. Everyone works at their own pace and it doesn’t mean anyone is better than you or vice versa.

9.    Flowers…fill your house with flowers and plants and general reminders of the outside world.

10. Find your productivity music...when it came to writing the hell out of my dissertation, my kings were Biggy and Bob Marley. My brain often surprises me with gems like this.

Turn that frown upside down

When I am in a bad mood, I'm in a really bad mood. It doesn't happen very often any more, but it's like the ones I do have make up for it. So I'm speaking from experience here; I know how to get out of a low mood rut. Whether it's that time of the month, you're stressed, or people are just bumming you out, here are the 10 things that never fail to put a smile on my face.

1.    Watching your favourite movie or tv show from your childhood... As a child of 1993, nineties nostalgia brings me so much joy. My go-tos are Mrs Doubtfire and Drop Dead Fred.

2.    Going outside… When you’re not feeling yourself, venturing into the outside world can feel like the last thing you want to do, but it’s actually the best thing you can do. The sun on my face makes me grin like a weirdo.

3.   Exercise... It took me like 18 years to figure this out, but it’s true; getting physical boosts your mood. You don’t have to leave your house; my cardio of choice is crazy dancing to Beyoncé.

4.    Grabbing a coffee with your nearest and dearest…going for a healthy 3 hour + catch up with my oldest friends leaves me feeling like we can do anything.

5.    Cooking a meal from scratch…. I find cooking so therapeutic. It makes me so happy I could sing- and I usually do. Listen to your favourite album while cooking your favourite meal? 

6.    Planning a holiday or a day out… It’s so important to give yourself something to look forward to. Not only will this cheer you up immediately, it will make the hard work easier and the long days shorter.

7.    Having a day time bath…there is literally no better way to ease your stress/anxiety than a bath. Especially on a summer’s afternoon.

8.    Writing it down… You’ll feel an enormous weight off your shoulders. Writing in a journal usually helps me think clearly too.

9.    Treat yoself… If you have funds to spare, why not spend your way to happiness?

10. If all else fails…buy yourself a big ol’ tub of ice cream. It’s good for the soul. 

An Ode to Spring

The link between my mental health and the sun is palpable at this time of year. We’re on the verge of Spring; we’re not quite there yet but we’re getting tasters of the real thing every day, just enough to excite me when I wake up to the sun streaming through the curtains.

The feeling of excitement for the day just isn’t something I experience in winter. I wish I was one of those people who are at 100% all year round, who could be in a blizzard and still be up n’ at ‘em. Me? I’m type A for 6 months of the year, and for the other half type B would be a generous assessment. It’s not that I don’t know Spring is coming and the gloom will be over soon, it’s just that I can’t see it; at least not when it’s 6am on 8^th of February and 1 degree everywhere but my house, which I have to leave.

So when, on one March day, I can leave the house  without scarf/hat/gloves, and when the next day  there’s still sunlight at 6.30pm, and the day after  that I actually want to go outside and enjoy the Sun,  you can imagine my brain’s excitement. Don’t even  get me started on how much joy spotting the first  cherry blossom brings me.

The best thing about pre- spring is the knowledge  that it’s only going to get better from hereon in. It’s  just like the relief of getting to the top of a long hill,  knowing that the rest of your journey will be so  much easier. No more running in 3 layers of  jumpers (who am I kidding? I don’t run in winter).

This Saturday I had my windows open all day and  purged the house of what was left of winter; the  need to be cosy all the time, hot chocolate  cravings, the longing to have a log fire, wanting to  watch It’s a Wonderful Life twice a week. I let all the  new vibes in; a constant urge to listen to show  tunes, cravings for salad and fruit, the energy to  exercise, the determination to power through the  pile of books on my bedside table.

So here’s to spring cleaning, birds singing and actually wanting to get out of bed in the morning!

Happy pre- spring- go get em’! J

Reclaim the Night MCR 2016

The reclaim the night movement dates back to 1970’s Yorkshire, when the Yorkshire ripper 

was on the loose and fear and uncertainty led to women being discouraged to venture out at night. Since then women around the world have marched in defiance of the culture of victim blaming and shame which is present in nearly all developed societies, and of the injustice of soaring sexual violence figures which are ignored again and again. The aim of the movement is simple- to reclaim the public space which fear and uncertainty has taken away from women.

Manchester’s march has always been a huge success, but this year marked the biggest turnout yet. I first went to the annual march as a student 3 years ago, so I was shocked to see how much the movement has grown and what it has become in such a short time. The speed at which the event has grown only hints at the level to which the community is affected by sexual violence. In the large student community incidents of rape are common, particularly during fresher’s week. I wouldn’t hesitate to bet that if you asked every student in Manchester, they would all know someone affected by sexual violence or harassment. In the city centre, the waiting list for rape crisis support treatment is 6 months.

In spite of these dire circumstances, the movement to reclaim the night is overwhelmingly positive and optimistic about the future. The movement is as diverse as it is powerful- led by women, men, and families. The march is such a sight to behold- and so it should be; thousands of women painted in glitter, singing chants, waving placards and shouting at the top of our lungs. The standout message was this: Sexual violence can no longer be passed off as a freak occurrence; it is an epidemic that we cannot continue to ignore.

Have a look at some of the amazing work Rape Crisis Manchester do with limited resources here!

Sunday best: Breakfast

If you know me, you’ll know that I bloody love Sundays. I have done for as long as I can remember. Some of my favourite memories have taken place on Sundays. There’s something so special about waking up to a noticeably quieter world, being able to stop and appreciate the light streaming through the window, and listening to the birds sing. I cherish that Sundays have the magical power to slowly turn a quiet, plan free day into an adventure, in a way that no other weekday can.

I hereby dedicate this segment to all things Sunday! A kind of shrine, if you will, to the best the week has to offer. First up, breakfast.

My weekday breakfast has consisted of porridge and fruit for about 2 years now, so at the weekend I like to change things up a bit. I know, crazy. I give you,  peanut butter blueberry toast. It’s exactly what it says on the tin. If you’re not quite convinced by the name (I don’t blame you), perhaps the pic below will entice you?

It’s the easiest breakfast ever and kind of needs no explanation, so I’ll just go through the basics. This beauty consists of peanut butter on toast- I go for a relatively healthy chunky peanut butter by Whole Earth (£3.19 in all good supermarkets), but any nut butter will do- followed by a blueberry compote (I say a compote, but I literally just microwave some blueberries with a drop of water for a minute) and voilà, you've got yourself a delicious and nutritious start to the day. If you have a sweet tooth, why not add a drop of honey on top and smother it all together? Yum.

Told you it was easy! It takes 2 minutes max to prepare and is in the true spirit of Sundays- I can’t think of a better way to start your day of rest!

New Year, New Umbrella?

You’re about to endure some indulgent, sentimental, and motivational reflections with the odd inspirational quote thrown in, which can only mean one thing…it’s New Year!

2015 was a tough, punishing marathon of a year, in which bad things happened in threes, fours and fives. The time between January 1^st 2015 and January 1^st 2016 kind of felt like walking into a dark tunnel completely by mistake, getting lost, but just kind of carrying on walking until I got out the other side. It wasn’t without a few crying selfies. But here I am, still standing (curled up in the foetal position).

Here are a few goals for 2016 and the years ahead because I’m feelin’ good about this year folks…

I’m going to take time to take care of myself. Last year I kind of forgot the basics of looking after yourself and often had to remind myself why it’s a priority; it allows you to do everything you actually want to do. You couldn't pursue goals, look out for others, or feel confident and worthy without brushing your teeth and eating a balanced diet.

 “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities…because it is the quality which guarantees all others” – Winston Churchill

It’s so important to challenge yourself, but sometimes it’s easy to forget how big the rewards are; even if things don’t work out, you deserve a hug from yourself for trying. I’ve already started making a conscious effort to say ‘yes’ more, but I think putting the pledge in writing will give me the extra nudge I need to really commit. I’m not even joking when I say another of my resolutions is to learn to say ‘no’. As bizarre as it sounds I feel like I say no to fun and say yes to things I neither want or am obliged to do. This needs to change, obvs; I am worthy, world.

If there’s one thing my life is missing, it’s a hobby. This year I am committed to finding my true calling; whether it’s knitting, Zumba or pottery, I am open to whatever it may be. While I’ve always written, it’s never been regular. I love those people who manage to write a book alongside their day job; on packed trains, in between meetings, after the kids are asleep/ before they awake. If nurses, and neuroscientists have time to write, I sure as hell don’t have an excuse.

Thanks for letting me indulge in some soul searching. Who doesn’t love a bit of self-motivation? 

Everyone can do something: my thoughts on the environment, food, and the future.

I’ve made some changes to my diet and lifestyle recently so I thought I would share. Bare in mind this is just my own experience based on what I’ve learnt, and I’m by no means trying to impose that on others. I just think we should educate ourselves before we make choices.

So many industries which people in the west rely upon are exploitative and destructive to humans, animals, and the planet. It can be overwhelming to research, but there is no denying that the huge demand for products on a mass scale is, in many cases, having disastrous consequences. Now, I’m no hippy. But I recognise that it’s no longer good enough to assume somebody else is solving all of the world’s problems, as soon enough our generation will be expected to come up with answers. (Jack’s piece on the subject hits the nail on the head). The future is a shared responsibility.

It may sound silly when compared to the enormity of the problem, but for me, giving up meat and dairy is the easiest way I can make a small change which could have a greater impact. While I can’t afford to only purchase organic, sustainable clothing right now, even though I know most of what I buy was likely made in a sweatshop, that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to call myself an ethical consumer in other ways. To be ethical doesn’t mean ‘to be perfect’.

With this in mind, about 6 months ago I gave up meat, and dairy soon followed. I gave them both up for obvious reasons. Not only do I believe the needless killing of innocent animals for human pleasure to be unethical, I am also aware of the detrimental effects both industries are having on the beautiful planet on which we live. The meat industry alone does more damage to the environment than all the cars, planes and trains combined. However, one animal product I struggle to say no to was eggs.

I’ve watched documentary after documentary about the horrible conditions hens live and die in, not to mentions the corrupt industry which is exploiting farmers. In spite of all this, and to my annoyance, there’s still nothing much better than a poached egg on avocado toast. So to reconcile my love for eggs and my love for hens, I’ve decided to only buy my eggs from a local farm’s shop, where I can see the happy, healthy hens roaming free, even though they’re a tiny bit more pricy. Happy hens, happy farmer, happy Annabelle.

Remember how powerful you are as a consumer! I believe that with that power, we have a duty to protect the planet and each other and to take responsibility for our actions. Obviously not everyone can turn into a self- sustainable vegan goddess overnight. But everyone making small changes will have a way bigger impact than just a few extreme examples. Everyone can do something.

There are lots of great events you can get involved and small changes you can make such as Meat Free Mondays, buying local or Fairtrade produce, attending your local vegan fair, or even just using public transport instead of a car. Do whatever you can!